I really hope you are.

It's me again. I would send this to you, or maybe even get the courage up to say it to you, but I know it wouldn't do any good. So I'll just be lame and blog about it.

I miss you. More than anything. Nothing's been the same without you. I just wish you wanted me the way I want you. You were my first love, I swear to God, you were. I gave you so much of me that I don't have much left for myself anymore. We failed. I failed. I didn't mean to. I just got scared. I wish it hadn't been so overwhelming. It would have been easier if I wasn't the person I am. And I'm sorry. But the person I am is bumbling, insane, foolish, and in love with you. I wish I could just say it to you. But how would you react?

Badly. And then I'd have to start over again, trying to build our friendship back up, and I'm just too tired to do that right now. I'm exhausted. 

I'm so worried I'll never find anyone like you.

I just thought I should let you know that you're one of the most special, talented, silliest, most beautiful person I've ever met. Whoever has you in the end will be the luckiest person on earth. I know it won't be me. And I know I'll be envious. But I hope you're happier when you finally settle down. I really hope you are. 

Hi.
So,
I guess there's things going on and stuff but I've just been kind of shut off lately. I don't know what's wrong with me. I haven't posted here in forever. There's a boy I used to miss terribly but I'm feeling much better about it now. I think I'm starting to develop a crush on some other kid, but he lives a few towns over, and he's from my summercaaamp. Although I really am starting to like him a lot, there's only two more weeks left of camp, and even though he's applying to be a CIT, he might not get the job, and even if he DOES, I probably won't see him till next summer anyway.
So it's kind of a moot point.
It's an even mooter point because there are girls that are way prettier and skinnier and less awkward/clumsy/shy than me at the camp soooo I don't know why he'd go for me.
Bleh. I've just been feeling odd lately. Life has been passing me by for quite a while. Since the end of last summer, I think. I hope it stops doing that soon.
xx aimee

Do you realize it?

Do you realize it?
That every single
Tiny,
Insignificant,
thing
That you do makes you
Infinitely special and
Even your smile, your laugh,
Your hair, your eyes, your hands,
Everything about you makes
Me the happiest person on earth.
Do you realize it?

Do you realize it?
That the world
Moves
Rotates
itself.
Just for you, love!
The stars, the moon,
The sun, they shine for you, and only you.
Lightning bolts, envious of you,
Streak across the sky, wanting to be nearer
to you to share the glow and warmth of your heart.
Do you realize it?

Do you realize it?
All the people
Stop.
Stare.
At you, Love!
Can you imagine, The people you’ll meet, all of them
In awe of you? And when I’m at home,
And you’re traveling the world, they’ll call me up,
And brag that they met you, and I’ll smile, that secret smile we share,
And say that I can’t even imagine it, and that
They’re so incredibly lucky, just as you’re walking through our door.
Do you realize it?

A letter.

Dear Irony,
Bite me.
Love, Aimee.


Honestly, a year later, and I'm still thinking of it. I was so happy then. And I can't help but wonder what happened.
At this point, I want to just throw myself into some foolish, whirlwind, imprudent romance, just for the rush of it all.
I just want to feel again.

Feel like I actually belong with someone.
Feel right. You won't let me help you, let me love you, so I'll give my love to somebody else.
I tried, and I gave up on you once, and it was an awful mistake, but it's too late to fix it now, and I understand your choice. I wanted to make you happy. I still do. But, she makes you happier, and when you took a seat far from me today, I realized it's over.

All good things come to an end, as they say.
I miss you, but I won't interfere.
I love you, but I don't think I could love you better than her.
This is all I can give to you;
All I can offer.
And it's not enough.
It's okay, though.
You don't need to say anything.
I'll hang around, in case you ever need me, because you're still so damn special and I just can't give up being around you easily.
but I will find somebody else.
And when I find somebody else,
I'll be happy. Maybe even as happy as you.
Good bye, love.

"Lights will guide you home"

I walked by the beach today.
There was a straggler goose that must have been left behind by it's flock.
He was pacing through the seaweed, and crying,
but there were no other birds in the harbor to hear him.