i just want someone to talk to
without sounding totally
self inflated
oh god help me
this is it
i am going down
for good this time.

pronouns are stupid anyway

stop it you silly girl
oh god this is not good
i feel like i'm gunna puke
someone please help me
i am so screwed
i was gunna fake it
until i was finally happy again
it isnt working
i thought i was better
now i'm back at the beginning
i need to run
somewhere
anywhere
i need to get away from here
please just get me out of here
from my safe little computer desk and my warm hoodie
i wanna be buried in the snow, freezing
just to feel something
anything
other than this horrible sadness
nothing matters anymore to me
i've gotten to the point of apathy
this is not good
help me hold on someone
please please please
run
run away from this sickness
you are stronger than this
you cannot be so broken
or we will lose the pieces
stop crying
you NEED to be stronger
even when it's all falling through
please don't let it get to you
we worry
who the fuck is we
i dont know anymore
i'm too psycho to even understand myself
or us
i'm not sure what the pronoun would be yet.

oh, and one more thing...
this is probably just a stupid crush that'll last a week,

but it takes my mind off of you.
and that's the second step of the rehab process.
i admitted that i had a problem a long time ago, but could never get you off my mind.
but now he's in my life, i'm getting better.

i only thought about you (while you weren't talking to me/sitting next to me) twice today.
and even then i was thinking normal, rational thoughts.
i'm proud.

today.

i smiled today.


for the first time
i wasn't putting it on
to make people not worry.


it felt so good.

like i finally completed a puzzle after a very long time of staring at the last piece.

i feel whole again.

i'm happy.

ergh.

no, i will not interfere,
but do not expect me
to just sit here, and watch
you fall in love with someone else.

it's unfamiliar to me,
such a stinging irony,
i'm the girl watching from the sidelines,
as you and her plan out a new life.

but i refuse to look,
not willingly,
i know that we're over,
you and me,
and i know i've got to let it be.

the only way i can carry out my plan,
is if i pretend we've never held hands,
that we're just passing strangers,
on a street, busy, crowded,
with shuffling feet.

i'm sorry that this is how it must be,
i've got to let go completely,
drop you out of my life entirely,
i simply need a clean break
to get rid of this dull ache.

save me.

somebody save me,
somebody, reach out, and take me,
somebody, save me,
somebody, help me, i'm falling.

tired of being so tired,
eyes so broken, full of desire,
reaching out, can't find your hand,
thinking i was on the mend,

somebody save me,
somebody, reach out, and take me,
somebody, save me,
somebody, help me, i'm falling.

thank you for being such a dick-faced, moody, PMS-y, wishy-washy bastard.
why, yes, i do love getting ignored. it's like...my favorite thing. ever.
i would take action,
but i'm pretty sure it's illegal in Massachusetts to push someone in front of a moving vehicle.

fuck you for every feeling you've ever made me wish i hadn't felt.

autumn.

the leaves are falling down,
the birds are flying south,
the street light, guides my way,
it's my home now, it's where i'll stay.

it is autumn, and you are gone,
it is autumn, and you are gone,
it is autumn and you are gone and i am fine,
and i am fine.

i turn the key, in the door,
it's weird to think it's not ours anymore,
i take off my shoes and breathe,
the air without your schemes.

it is autumn, and you are gone,
it is autumn, and you are gone,
it is autumn, and you are gone and i am fine,
yeah, i am fine.

stop running so fast, i need time to catch up

i could avoid all the situations i put myself in
where i have to be near to you.
they are easily evaded.
but the happiness of seeing you
(slightly) outweighs the pain of remembering you're no longer mine.

what happened? how did everything go so wrong?

i was looking for happiness in all the wrong places
and so i decided to look in the right places.
but i still haven't found it.
if you come across it, call me.
i would like it back.

i love it when the rain pours down,
it beats in the perfect rhythm of your heart,
and the raindrops are like the tears you wept
making a beautiful and elegant art.

The sky turns a misty gray
Your eyes immediately speak to me
With silent words and quieted speech,
The evergreens and grasses sway

The thunder and the words you screamed
Go in perfect harmony.

more postsecrets (:

i didnt really like them that much this week...i liked the marriage one a lot...but then i was disappointed, lol.

i wish he shared the same secret, but he doesn't.
whoever it is... i hope she recognized your hand writing, too. don't give up hope. love comes in the strangest forms.

i finally know where i'm going.
i just wish you would come with me.

i turn around just to watch you leave,
feeling my heart rip off it's sleeve,
something like this might never happen again.

please let me in.

it will never be the same.

terrifying.

i try so hard to make you smile,
then regret it for a while,
forget my weakness,
the cycle restarts itself again.

see, the problem is whenever
you give me that crooked smile,
it makes me weak, and all i want
to do is run to you, and wrap my
arms around you and your beautiful
soul, and feel your body smile, too.

it's a problem i need to fix,
but for now i'll take another quick fix,
you're certainly my drug of choice,
the freckles on your arms,
the laugh in your voice.

six word memoirs.

well, i thought that this and postsecret were pretty different (well, not really different, but they at least deserved two separate posts) so now i'm going to totally flip the subject and talk about the six word memoirs.

http://www.smithteens.com/sixwords/

six word memoirs are stories told in six words (duh xd) but they're really quite exciting. the link i included in this post are focused on the six word memoirs of teenagers, and if you submit one which is selected, it can end up in a book.
i decided to try writing a few. here are the ones i came up with:

"My heart. Your hands. It broke."
"can't break free of his clutches."
"you didn't kiss, it did hurt."
"please tell me you hate me."

they're really fun and a way to bring your creativity and thinking up.

feel free to make an account on the site and enter some :D i highly recommend it.

postsecret.

so i have a sort of OCD thing going on with postsecret.

the sunday secrets, specifically.
(hayyy alliteration!)

but uhm, i check them as soon as i can.
i'm usually up till at least midnight (usually later...frank D:< (who is the guy who puts the postsecrets on the net))
and if i'm not at home, i will usually figure a way to get to a computer/internet access, but if that doesnt work, the moment i get home i run to my computer and type in the faithful URL.
oh, and i had postsecrets in my locker over the school year (along with pictures of Jim halpert/john krasinski and forrest kline, whom i will most likely post a fan-girlish blog about later; i'm surprised i haven't yet).

yeah, i'm kind of creepy
but uhm, i think once a week i'll post my favorite ones on my blog. so...here are my favorite secrets from 8/31.

note: the last one wasnt from the most sunday secrets, i just found it on franks myspace postsecret blog and i liked it. but it made me wish there was another girl.

i thought i should share this with you guys,

because i just rediscovered it, and it still makes me laugh...really hard.

25

Created by OnePlusYou - Online Dating Service

it honest to god tells you how many five year olds you could take in a fight.
my favorite question is 'During the fight, would you feel morally comfortable picking up a child and using him/her as a weapon to throw at other children?'


looool.

i know you still care.

silly heart, stop beating so fast,
dont fool yourself, get back to your head,
it's not your fault, he's severed connections,
you've got hormones, yeah, just redirect them.
don't blush so hard, you'll give yourself away,
your knees are weak, sit down before you sway,

don't tell me why i should stay,
you know it's better off this way,
don't whisper into my ear,
because it hurts me, brings back fear,

silly heart, stop beating so fast,
dont fool yourself, get back to your head,
it's not your fault, he's severed connections,
you've got hormones, just redirect them.
don't blush so hard, you'll give yourself away,
your knees are weak, sit down before you sway,

how come you make me act like this,
it's so unfair, such stupid bliss,
i cannot piece my thoughts together right,
maybe i'll just let you hold me one more time tonight,

silly heart, stop beating so fast,
dont fool yourself, get back to your head,
it's not your fault, he's severed connections,
you've got hormones, just redirect them.
don't blush so hard, you'll give yourself away,
your knees are weak, sit down before you sway,

no, no, can't give in now,
you've addicted me, got to find a way out,
i'm trapped inside your cage of love,
you're singing to me from above.

silly heart, stop beating so fast,
dont fool yourself, get back to your head,
it's not your fault, he's severed connections,
you've got hormones, just redirect them.
don't blush so hard, you'll give yourself away,
your knees are weak, sit down before you sway,

i will never escape.

i'm getting better at avoiding all the questions,
and all your selfish pre-determinations,
don't give me those looks,
my mind's already full,
my body's already booked,
i don't need more occupants,
so please stop asking
it just creates more havoc
and i simply cannot bear that,
cos i am simply not everlasting,
every word you've spoken
is pulling at my edges,
creating cuts i cannot see,
but you don't understand,
you're silently killing me,
so please let me go,
don't hold me so fucking close,
you've got lips, i know,
but i've got teeth, you, you dont know,
me, or anything about me,
you just know the fronts i put up,
to keep people like you out,
but somehow you jumped the wall,
got past the one you see,
to the raw bits of insanity
i try so desperately to hide,
god, i'm begging you,
stop tearing me up on the inside,
reality is no longer factual,
i need something actual,
to hold onto,
so this is my very last plea,
this is me letting go of me.

wrong

i can hear my heart hit the pavement
as i take off running, leaving it behind,
i look down and see the concrete passing,
my thoughts are flashing by,
and suddenly, you appear in my mind,
i become weak,
i cannot speak,
though i'm choking on the words.

i thought i could make it,
i was so so wrong,
i thought i wouldnt break it,
i was so so wrong.

i let go of this fantasy and
try and focus, so carefully, but,
my mind drifts and i come back to you,
what am i supposed to do?

i thought i could make it,
i was so so wrong,
i thought i wouldnt break it,
i was so so wrong.

chasing shadows...recorded on my snapvine.

i'd rather spend all my time,
chasing shadows on the wall,
knowing i've got nothing at all,
than spending one moment with you, here,
and suddenly have you disappear,

i'd rather starve,
than have a taste of eden,
i'd rather have broken eyes,
than view the stars, just before i went blind,

i'd rather spend all my time,
chasing shadows on the wall,
knowing i've got nothing at all,
than spending one moment with you, here,
and suddenly have you disappear,

i'd rather you break my heart,
than, get a start and fall back down,
i'd rather you break my heart,
than leave me hanging on a string, so close to ground.

i'd rather spend all my time,
chasing shadows on the wall,
knowing i've got nothing at all,
than spending one moment with you, here,
and suddenly have you disappear.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
bitch.


where's romeo again?

yeahyeahyeah

you know you've got it bad
when you start comparing him,
to inanimate objects,
you know he's in your head,
when you start seeing him,
everywhere you turn,

you're the billboard i fail to read,
cos i'm going way too fast,
and i always feel the need,
to back up, but i let it pass,

you know you've got it bad
when you start comparing him,
to inanimate objects,
you know he's in your head,
when you start seeing him,
everywhere you turn,

you're the song that's
scrambled in my head,
and i haven't got you down,
simply, cos i dont have a pen.

you know you've got it bad
when you start comparing him,
to inanimate objects,
you know he's in your head,
when you start seeing him,
everywhere you turn,

i'm gunna make it simple,
i'm a girl and, you're a boy,
but i'm certainly, not a toy,
so i'd really like it, if you could
just say your feelings,
and it'd make you so much easier
to me.

and your love is harmful,
yeah, your love is toxic,
you know what i'm talking about, right?
well i know that you do, because it's you,
who's playing these games with my head,

and i'll keep on waiting,
on the telephone,
knocking on your door,
even though you're not home,
it gets a bit tiring,
that i'll admit,
but babe, i'm a puzzle,
and you're the perfect fit.




this is unfinished.

you're still my star.

you are like a freaking
black hole and i'm a helpless
little spaceship,
but the only reason i went up
to the stars, was to be with you,
but then just as i was getting close,
you imploded into this black hole,
sucking up any of the life you can get,
and i don't know where i'll end up
if i give in to you, and maybe,
just maybe,
you're not doing it
on purpose but i didn't think it
would hurt this bad.

What...what's that?

What? What'd you say?
Time to make a new blog?!?!
ahhh, fck.
i guess i'll start this with a hello.
so...hello.
(:
that being said, i have officially gone into freak-out mode.
i was school shopping yesterday and it hit me that there are 13 days till school starts.
and not even like
normal school...
highschool.
where every single move of yours is watched
and one little thing could keep you from getting into a good school,
and everyone asks you what you're gunna be and where you wanna go and what you wanna do with your life.
the truth is,

I HAVE NOOOOOOOOO FUCKING IDEA.
oh, my font is so cute and small!

...
sorry.
anyways, yeah
i am just
a bit screwed, lol.
but on the bright side.........
oh, wait.
rguuuuuuuuugh.

i cant stand clothes,
all those damn inseams,
and size-too-small jeans,
i hate it when they dont have the right sizes,
but still charge those outrageous prices
and it may come as a surprise
but most humans are actually
human sized,

so wear your scrubby tees,
and forget your make up, please,
bring tubs of icecream,
this is our 'screw you' to the world,
just remember to keep your hair uncurled.

i just wrote a huge rant.
i then highlighted it
right-clicked
and chose the 'cut' option.
i then copied and pasted a stupid youtube video,
so now my insanity is lost forever in cyberspace.


it's a good feeling.

what the fuck am i supposed to do.
what do YOU expect me to do?
i'm not over him.
you know that and i know that.
why are we even trying?

this is bad.
so so so bad
i'm in a situation where i simply cannot win.
can i just not make a choice?
i'd be okay staying right here, curled up, safe, in my computer chair.
never having to move or think or breathe or do a single thing.
including make decisions.
decisions where i know someone's going to get hurt.
well, you're going to be harmed either way.
i shouldnt be so worried
i should repeat to myself all the little lies i've invented to keep me from going
absolutely positively insane
but i cant.
i cant make believe anymore because just outside of my perfect little bubble is this whole
stupid
huge
world.
and it's cold and dark and i cant recognize anyones faces.
i dont want to live in that world.
never ever ever.
i dont even want to think about it
but it's inevitable.
what do you want me to do?
do you want me to keep lying?
to keep pretending it's all okay?
i suppose i can keep doing that but one day i'm gunna have to own up to it.
i'm not worth it
you're supposed to be gone by now
please, run from me.
i'm more monster than you think,
and i dont want to hurt you.
god i dont want to hurt you.

it's much too early.

i stopped writing when i stopped loving you.

truth is, though, i've been writing more than ever.
Maybe i'll be okay.

i'm sorry.

I’m all broken
It’s not worth picking up the pieces.
I’m sorry.

I keep choking
Falling out of my place, it’s just not right.
I’m sorry.

I keep holding,
Though I know he’s already let go of me.
I’m sorry.

I keep waiting
But I’ve used up all the time I had.
I’m sorry.

I keep crying
I know I have to be strong for both of us
I’m sorry.

Fingertips.

so, new lyrics.
well, they're not new really. i thought i had posted them but...i guess i didnt. soo, have fun kidds.
oh, and this is recorded on my snapvine as well ;D


------------


I’ve got you on my fingertips,
Cant get your taste off my lips,
I’ve got to scrub myself of this,
Can’t take this madness.

Your hands they seem to follow mine,
Cannot run away from time,
I don’t want to have to wait in line,
It’s something I can’t do,
And it’s leading back to you.

I’ve got you on my fingertips,
Cant get your taste off my lips,
I’ve got to scrub myself of this,
Can’t take this madness.

You stare into my eyes,
It makes me feel so blind,
Don’t wanna seem unkind,
But can’t you get out my mind?

I’ve got you on my fingertips,
Can’t get your taste off my lips,
I’ve got to scrub myself of this,
Can't take this madness.

Sweet dreams

You wished me sweet dreams,
How can they be sweet,
When you’re so far from me?

Yes, it hurts, I’ll admit it,
But it’s not like I’m the first,
I made a mistake,
But I can’t go back and fix it

You wished me sweet dreams,
How can they be sweet,
When you’re so far from me?

No, I’m not okay,
But I’ll pretend, anyway,
Put a smile on, and say,
I’m okay.

You wished me sweet dreams,
How can they be sweet,
When you’re so far from me?

I didn’t mean for it to end up this way,
Wanted to put my heart at bay,
But there’s nothing I can do or say,
That will bring you back to me.

You wished me sweet dreams,
Maybe tonight,
They'll will change.

So you’ve finally found something else,
A new replacement, for your shelf,
You took me off a long time ago,
You should know it was your hardest blow,

I didn’t think you’d free me, this easily,
Cos she’s kind of a tease, you see,
It’s kind of funny in a way,
The way you don’t know what to say,

I think it’s stupid to believe,
She would never ever leave,
I think it’s stupid to assume,
She wouldn’t walk right out on you,

So she’s finally found, something else,
A new replacement, for her shelf,
She took you off a long time ago,
Don’t you understand, it was time to go?


^i recorded this song on snapvine, but my microphone is broken, so i had to use my phone, so i'll try to fix it ASAP so i can get a better version on xD so, i'll post the better version later...hopefully ;D

I'm saying goodbye.

My hands shake so bad,
When you’re not here to hold them,
My world gets so cold,
It’s starting to get old.
My head gets so clouded,
You need, to fight it out with me.

There’s nothing I can hold onto.
You’re gone, but I keep losing you.
There’s nothing left to stabilize,
Just your dirty tricks, and your selfish lies.

My feet don’t touch the ground,
You’ve always pulled me down,
I can’t stand the feeling of,
Letting go,
I wish we had more to say,
But it’s probably better off this way,
I’m leaving you a note.

There’s nothing I can hold onto,
You’re gone, but I keep losing you,
There’s nothing left to stabilize,
Just your, dirty tricks and your selfish lies.

I’m saying goodbye,
I’m saying goodbye,
I’m saying goodbye.

eeeeeh.

you're breaking our perfect world,
we were meant to be, but now i'd guess
that you weren't made for me,
but it's just that every stupid little thing you do,
makes me ache for your love, and even love you,
every time you don't pick up,
every minute i've spent for you is piling up,
and i'm tripping over it, and it's messing me up,
cos i don't think it's very fair,
the way all i do is give,
and you can never share,
but sir, you've gotta believe,
our little world is not the only thing that's breaking,
what's worse is you're breaking me.

it's like a water fight

i gave up a while ago,
i was just better at make believe,
and there was always something in my mind,
that told me i wouldnt have to bleed again,
i had one small ember of hope inside of me,
but you came equipped with fire hydrants and water guns.

haaaaa

fuck this,
i deserve so much better.


now give me a tutu and a princess crown.


(i promise i can change the world.)

i'm lying here, hollow inside
and all your broken promises
and sinful words
are filling that space in my heart
and slowly i am overcome by the darkness,
because you taught me that it's better to let go
than to hold on and harm your hands.

eh.

but with every reassurance i grow less sure of the world around me
and it's slowly falling apart, and i'm standing in the middle of it all,
dodging rocks and broken glass,
whispering prayers that will never reach the heavens,
watching it self destruct.

i lie too much.

seriously. i'm a good liar so i get away with it.

from now on, i'm going to try not to lie like...fourty times a day.

i've created a three strike system. i can use three per day.
no more lying!

(strike one)

still

you're a drug i cannot quit

i can't get enough hits

i need more of you, baby, you make my heart swoon,

i miss you, yet you're only halfway across the room

but rehab's not the place for me,

in your arms is where i need to be.

this hole in my heart
is so damn sore
i wish i hadn't tried to heal it,
because, i found a cure, a silver thread
to stitch and mend
but when i went to sew the wound
i found it didn't fit me right


so now i must unstitch my mistakes
all i want to know is
how long it will take.

we all laugh and cheer
acting like we know each other,
on the inside we're dying to meet,
unlock the doors to your soul
let me settle down inside
let me see who you really are,
once i'm here, you cannot hide.

8:50 pm

waiting for you again

the clock's laughing at me now

it's minute hands pointing out my faults

wasting my time, (maybe)

not that it matters anymore,

but you hardly know that my world revolves around you

titles!

oh dear i never title my blogs.


i'm so forgetful of things

tis funny.
teheheheh.



god i'm so tired.

going to the jazzband concert
woohooo.

and ordering a webcam soon!

excited=me.

6:11 pm

staring at the phone

willing it to ring,

deciding maybe
therapy wouldn't be such a bad thing

american idol.

so i've decided that
i'm gunna win american idol.

and be paid to do what i like.

lmao that would be so awesome.
just cos i need something to dream about
i guess that's what it'll be.

lol this blog has NOOOOOOOO point

but i sorta like it :D

you'll hear more from me
i promise :d

singinggg?

yessirree.

this is a tad embarrassing
ahaha
breakable
by ingrid michaelson
i recorded it to put it on Post Secret Community, and i did, so that's why i do my shout outs for PSC. aka the best forum ever. B)

Comment | Copy This

Oh dear.

Currently on my mind:

finalsfinalsfinalsfinalsfinals
FUCK.


yeah. i'm sort of screwed.

i'm okay on spanish and english
but math, history, and IPS

i'm gunna fail.
i want school to end,
but i dont want to take finals.
;-;'

i don't really feel like doing anything right now
i'll post something soon
i promiiiseeeeeeee.

First blog.

Hello.
I feel as though I should properly introduce myself.

I'm aimee.
here's a few things about meeeeeeeeeeeeee:

I enjoy laughing, bubbles, bright colors, music, polka dots, my frienndddsss :d, singing, acting, photography, and writinggg.
i also have a short attention span and i get bored with things easily.
And i've tried making one of these blogs before but it sort of died and i forgot the password
:D
there's another thing about me. i've got the memory skills of a brick wall.
I don't really know what i'll post here. Ramblings, photos, drawings..
It'll def be....interesting.
bye for now dears
:D